🟢 Lost Pace – May 6 Journal

Out of Sync, But Still in Motion

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1. Morning: Waking with Weight, Not Pain

I woke up at 5:30 AM after falling asleep around 10 the night before. I’d gotten up three or four times — mostly to use the bathroom, and the dreams weren’t comforting. Not nightmares, but not neutral either. Something about the tone of them stuck with me. Still, waking up didn’t feel like a punishment. HRV: 62. Resting heart rate: 45. Numbers that say, “You’re still in this.”

Breakfast was clean and familiar. My supplements went down early: a multivitamin, omega-3, PadroVita magnesium, and a B-complex. Then came my high-fiber, high-protein meal — whole wheat, corn, olive oil, and my homemade peanut sauce. I logged 1086 kcal. A good start.

I’m still working through my last few cans of cola — a daily ritual I’m trying to retire. One per morning, and then I’m done. It’s not cold turkey, but it’s an ending.

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2. Midday Friction: A Phone, A Fight, A Reset

The middle of the day tested my patience. I spent hours trying to strip my Samsung A35 of bloatware — all the forced apps from Samsung and Google that refuse to leave politely. I went through system settings, developer tools, ADB instructions. I got frustrated. I even took it out on ChatGPT while troubleshooting — it stayed calm. I didn’t. I regret that.

Eventually, I gave up and factory reset the phone. And in doing so, something inside me also reset. Fewer apps. Less noise. More room to think. I wish life could be wiped clean that easily.

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3. A Friend’s Message, A Complicated Yes

Yener texted me with a simple question: “Wanna do a 5K tempo run this evening?”
The time? 17:30. A time when I usually finish eating and start winding down.
My body said no. My plan said rest. But Yener’s excitement — it pulled me in.

Saying yes didn’t mean I was ready. It just meant I was willing.

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4. The Run: When the Hour Isn’t Yours

I hadn’t done a tempo run in the evening for a long time. The last few days had taken a toll: a 5K all-out on Saturday, a 17K long run Sunday, and only a 10K walk on Monday to recover. My body wasn’t there yet.

I ate lunch at 11:00 AM and skipped food after that. I didn’t want to run full. One hour before the run, I made a natural pre-workout drink — calorie-free but focused. A mix of lemon juice, stevia, salt, and cold-brewed green tea. It didn’t boost me like caffeine, but it cleared the fog. I also took a gel before stepping out — not because I needed it, but because I didn’t trust my body not to quit.

We warmed up with a slow 2K jog around 6:00 pace. It helped loosen things, but my energy was low from the start. Then came the work:

🟢 Splits:

1K – 4:11 (261W, HR 152)
2K – 4:27 (248W, HR 158)
3K – 4:15 (254W, HR 163)
4K – 4:14 (256W, HR 169)
5K – 4:42 (234W, HR 163)

By the last kilometer, I could feel the wheels falling off. I tried not to panic — just keep form, keep breathing. Not every kilometer needs to be heroic. Some just need to be finished.

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5. Evening Walk: Returning Softly

We walked 2K home afterward — the same distance I would’ve walked had I stuck to my plan. In a strange way, I still did what I set out to do. I just took a detour through fatigue.

My body didn’t feel destroyed. Just tired. My legs didn’t ache — they hummed. Like a machine that had been restarted after a long pause.

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6. Reflection: The Run I Didn’t Owe

This wasn’t a PR attempt. This wasn’t a training peak. It was an offering — to a friend, to movement, to discipline.

Even though I didn’t feel ready, I showed up. Even though the timing was off, the purpose stayed true.

And that’s something. That’s enough.

7. Shoes: Wide Room, Less Flight

Today I ran in the Hoka Rincon — extra wide. It’s incredibly comfortable. Roomy, breathable, soft on landing. For walking or recovery days, it feels like a gift.

But during tempo? It didn’t give me that push. That snap. The feeling of flying.

It’s not fair to compare it to the Alphafly — one’s a plush cruiser, the other a carbon-plated rocket. But still, when I picked up the pace today, my shoes stayed quiet. No feedback. No resistance. Just… padding.

Sometimes comfort dulls performance. And sometimes, the things that protect you can also slow you down. That’s what I felt today. A good shoe. Just not a fast one.

8. Fuel: Still Feeding the Body, Still Editing the Habit

Dinner wasn’t rushed. It wasn’t strict either. I ate mindfully — not perfectly. With ChatGPT’s help, I’ve started shifting my meals, slowly moving toward what fuels me rather than just fills me.

Today’s totals:
2711 kcal – 67g fat, 409g carbs, 94g protein, 106g fiber.
Strong macros. It would’ve been a good day for whey — I had it, I just didn’t feel like it. And sometimes, listening to what the body doesn’t ask for is just as important as what it does.

And then… there’s the cola.

I’m still trying to quit. I used to drink it mindlessly — part craving, part tradition. Now it’s intentional. Controlled. There are 15 liters left in the house. I’ve allowed myself one can per day until they’re gone. Fifteen more days of letting go. Not with shame. Not with denial. Just with slow, chosen exit.

There’s a kind of discipline in this too. Not the fast, showy kind. The quiet kind. The kind where you look at a bottle and say, “Not yet. But soon.”

🧘‍♂️ Lost Pace Mantra – May 6

“I wasn’t fast, I wasn’t full, but I moved forward anyway.”